facebook… arggghhh

I’m not sure what to think about the whole facebook craze.  I recently joined in an effort to find and reconnect with people from my past.  Not just random people, but people that I had actually been good friends with.  In addition to that, a lot of my current group of acquaintances and friends are also facebookers, so I thought it would be fun… and it has been, to a certain degree. 

What I have found so far that I didn’t foresee is that the people I had hoped to reconnect with have moved on.  Shouldn’t be much of a surprise… but I’m kinda shocked at how much it hurts me.  Not that I think that I would be “best friends” with someone from high school again, but my mindset is that we were friends then, and that should be worth something now.  However, I know that people change over time, and it’s purely unrealistic of me to believe that relationships that were once there would still be there in the same capacity.  Even though my logical mind is telling me that “change happens”, it’s not helping me overcome the disappointment I feel at not getting to have a genuine relationship with people.  That thought then led me to wonder if the relationships that I had in high school or college were genuine or not!  Overanalyzing (which is one of my hobbies) the situation?  Maybe.  But being purely honest with myself I was pretty selfish “back in the day”.  I’m not so sure I would have been capable of true friendship, only because I cared too much for myself, and what others could do for me.  It does sadden me to think that because people remember me the way I was, rather than knowing who I am now, they may be hesitant to even want to get to know me on a deeper level than what facebook provides. 

 I think I’m sounding a little whiney here, and I really don’t want to, but the whole thing confuses me.  Sure, I get to keep up with the bare bones of what’s going on with various people, but do I know them any better because of it?  I tend to think not.  The people that I exchange comments the most with are the people I see more frequently anyways! But, maybe that’s why so many people are into the facebook craze.  It gives you a chance to “connect” without having to ever be open or vulnerable with anyone… it’s a barrier to real relationship.

So, I guess the question to myself is, was I better off without it?  I would hope not.  I think that things happen in my life for a reason, and there’s got to be a reason why, now, at this point, I got it in my head to do this.  Or, am I overanalyzing yet again?  I guess I am going to stick with it… it’s not harming me other than giving me even more to think about… and what’s the harm in thinking… as long as “facebooking” doesn’t take over, I guess it’s all good.

1 Comments on “facebook… arggghhh”

  1. Hey Whit,
    Great Blog! Really. Good stuff.

    I like this post too, which is why it’s my first one to comment on.

    It reminds me of C.S. Lewis’ chapter on friendship love (philia) in his book “The Four Loves” which I got to listen to on tape at Baylor cuz he broadcast it over BBC radio originally during the war, so it’s the only recording we have of Lewis’ voice, which is awesome…but I digress.

    In his chapter on “philia/phileo”, he talks about how there are different kind of friendships. And he says that some “friends” are people you have something in common with like say a job, or school or whatever. But once you take that commonality away, there’s nothing left.

    He said that the real test is running into someone 10 years later. If there’s nothing to talk about except the past, then they were just a temporary friend, which is fine.

    But if you run into that person, with whom you don’t have that common circumstance anymore, but you are able to pick up like you never left off and talk for hours…that’s a true friend.

    I’m pretty sure that Lewis says it much better than I just did!

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