I don’t want the rain today.
Today in church we sang a song, and in it there is a line that says “Jesus bring the rain”. I could not sing it, because I did not feel like I could honestly say that I believed it today.
First, let me put the song in, so if you want, you can hear what I’m talking about, and get the gist of the lyrics.
I have had a pretty “rain free” life. There have been stormy times… but I have made it through them as a better, and stronger person. So, when we sang this song today, I wasn’t sure why I was unable to join in! I guess it’s because that while I HAVE been through tough times, I did not ASK for them… they just came. So then, **switching into over-analyzing mode**, I started asking myself if that was a bad thing or not. Should I WANT the “rain” to come? Should I be ASKING for it? I know that the end result of rainy times is growth, be it literal rain nourishing the ground, or spiritual “rain” that forces me to lean on God and therefore nourishes my soul… shouldn’t I WANT that?
But then, I started thinking if that was the ONLY way to experience spiritual growth. My ultimate answer is no, it’s not, BUT is is the way that a lot of people (including me) do. When things occur that are completely out of my control, I have no other choice but to lean on God… so what about doing that made me not be able to sing the song?
I think it’s because when everything is going well, I subconciously like to take credit for things. My kids are well behaved (it must be because I’m a superior parent). My marriage is strong (it must be because I have worked so hard at it). I have good relationships with family and friends (it must be because I have such a great personality). I want the credit.
The truth is, non of it has anything to do with me. Sure, I value my relationships and work at them. Sure, I love and respect my husband and seek to be a good wife. Sure, I love my kids and in doing so discipline them. But… the only reason I am the way I am is because of God. HE is the one who made me able to love. HE is the one who gave me my family. HE is the one who guides my actions. Not me.
So, again, why couldn’t I sing the song? I think part of it is just human nature. I don’t ENJOY going through difficult situations. I was just being honest. I don’t WANT to be in the rain. But, the results, they are just too hard to argue against. I DO want growth. I DO want to learn to be more like Jesus every day. And, I suppose, if one of the ways to do that is to go through the “rain”, I’m okay with that. I don’t have to enjoy the “rain”, I just have to know that at the end it helps to bring me closer to God.