my nemesis, the scale, fights back.
I am a girl. As such, I struggle with keeping my weight in an acceptable range. (note: if you are one of those people who don’t… please, no comments! 🙂 ) I have fluctuated up and down since about my sophomore year of high school. Good, then bad, then good, then bad… you see the pattern. I am 5 feet, 5 and a half inches tall, and of average build. For me, the weight I look and feel best at is somewhere between 125 and 130. So, I have as my goal to not weigh over 130 in the mornings. (you know, the first weigh of the day… before all of those calorically delicious snacks and treats…) I always figured, if I weigh over 130 in my first weigh, then I’m in need of a change… one in which I actually pay attention to what I’m stuffing in my face.
So, this morning, the scale decided that it had had enough of being trampled on, and it fought back. It said I was 130.4. Yikes. My normal morning weight is in the 127-128 range… so this was not a happy beginning to the day. I’m thinking, “Whitney, it’s that pie crust with butter and sugar and cinnamon that you ate last night even when you weren’t the least bit hungry”. What do I eat for breakfast today? A doughnut. Krispy Kreme… it would have been rude to turn it down.
So, am I stressed out about this recent turn of events? A little bit. Why? Because I need the comfort of the numbers to make me feel better about myself sometimes. After having lost all of my baby weight (and then some) I’m nowhere near anxious to be able to fit into my former clothing. I like where I’m at now. I’m fully aware as I write this that it sounds shallow. But, it’s also honest. Who in the world can honestly tell me that they would rather be bigger than what they currently are? My guess is maybe a handful, and probably they are lying.
More than that, I think that for me, to slowly gain weight without caring is a sign of laziness (note: I said “for me”, I’m not generalizing). If I just “let myself go”, it’s a choice I have made… and the action required for this is to do… nothing. I think a lot of people blame age (and it is a factor), body type (and it is a factor), stress/ life circumstances (and they are definitely factors), but I don’t want to blame anything but me. I may not ever have a “model” body, in fact, the stretch marks pretty much guarantee that! But, I can look the best that I can… with some effort.
Which is why I was so upset at my scale this morning. 130.4? It may not seem like a huge number for some people, but for me, it’s not just a number. It’s an indicator that it’s time for me to start paying attention again.