I still don’t understand…
So, a while back, I wrote about a little girl who is suffering from MPS I. (under: sometimes it’s hard to understand). Today we got an urgent update notification that said she was not doing well at all. She’s been in the PICU (pediatric intensive care unit), and has been doing fairly well considering what her poor body is going through. There had even been a great report that the donor stem cell transplant was working well, her donor cells were at 99%! Then today, it changed. The doctors told her mom to get her dad there as soon as possible and they were afraid that she would not make it through the day. I haven’t had a more recent update since late morning, but it’s been on my mind all day.
As I was praying for her and her parents, the question of “why” kept coming to my mind. As a Christian I know that I should be able to trust all of my “whys” to God, and know that He is working through them and despite of them. But, it doesn’t mean it’s easy to do. I lost a baby through miscarriage when I was only a few weeks pregnant, and that loss devastated me, and still makes me sad. I could not… can not… even begin to imagine what these poor parents are going through. They have seen their baby struggle, and do well, and then struggle, and not do well. They have held her, loved her, sung songs to her, played games with her… I can only imagine that the pain of possible earthly separation that they are feeling is so much more intense than I could know.
But then, as I was praying, a thought that I know can only have come from God impressed itself on my mind, and that is, that He too, lost a child. He too knows what it’s like to love a Son, be with a Son… and then see His Son die.
Of course, you may say, that was different. God knew that Jesus would die and then be raised from the dead on the third day. True. But these parents also know that they will one day be with their child again too. They don’t have the advantage of being able to know exactly when this will happen, but it will… one day.
Isn’t that the amazing thing about Jesus becoming a human; living and dying like us? He knows what we are like. He understands our anguish. He has felt the same emotion we do. He just completely trusted in his Father. I wish I was more like that.
Today I was reading in the book I’m doing for my bible study group, and it was on trusting God with my “why’s”. Couldn’t have come at a better time. The verse that she talked about really sticks out to me, it’s Habakkuk 3:17-19:
“Though the fig tree should not blossom and there be no fruit on the vines, Though the yield of the olive should fail and the fields produce no food, Though the flock should be cut off from the fold and there be no cattle in the stalls,
Yet I will exult in the Lord, I will rejoice in the God of my salvation.
The Lord God is my strength and He has made my feel walk on high places.”
It is easy to say, but hard to believe that there is a purpose to little Hannah’s suffering. There is so much that I just don’t understand. But, I do know that whatever the outcome with this latest bout of uncertainty with her health, that the Lord will be there to see her parents through it. He’s always there… just waiting for us. To rejoice in the Lord during our suffering is sometimes painful, but ultimately, He is the only one who can comfort us. Nothing else can, nothing else will.