baggage

I have often felt like I carry baggage around with me.  No, not a rolling suitcase-kind-of-baggage, emotional baggage.  You know what I’m talking about, don’t pretend you don’t. 

So, in the study I’m doing right now, we had to look over a list of “baggage” and underline what we struggle with, or maybe have recently struggled with.  Here’s the list:

*  Lover of myself

*  Boastful

*  Abusive

*  Ungrateful

*  Without love

*  Slanderous

*  Brutal

*  Treacherous

*  Conceited

* A lover of pleasure rather than a lover of God

*  Having a form of Godliness but denying its power

*  Lover of money

*  Proud

*  Disobedient to parents

*  Unholy

*  Unforgiving

*  Without self-control

*  Not a lover of good

*  Rash (not spots on your body… but acting impulsively!)

FYI:  all of these came from 2 Timothy 3:2-5

So.  After looking at that list, and realizing that I do struggle with a few of those, or have definitely struggled with them in the past, I was encouraged by what followed (having felt a little “beaten down”).

Sometimes when I pray to be “released” from these struggles, it seems like nothing happens.  There is no release.  I think a lot of it is because I’m expecting an automatic, emotional response to my prayers, but a lot of it is also because it is so deeply, deeply rooted in who I am, that I can’t release it.  But, God can take it. 

”  Lord Jesus, this baggage has been with me for a very long time.  When I’ve tried to get rid of it before, I have always failed.  I don’t carry this baggage in my hands.  It’s deep inside me.  It is as much a part of me as my skin and my bones.  I am helpless before it.  I want to be released from it.  I confess to You that I cannot even help You with the process I believe in You, and I believe You have the power to release me.  You have come from heaven to live in my life.  I now invite You to work in mylife.  I cannot give this baggage to You, but if You will take it from me, it is Yours!  Thank you for being my Deliverer!” 

That’s the prayer in the study that the author used/uses when he struggles to release something he knows is baggage in his life.  I love it because it acknowledges that sometimes things are so tap-rooted in our lives that it’s impossible to pull them up ourselves to give over to God.  But… (and this is the best part!)  GOD has the ability (and desire) to pull them up for us!  We just have to be patient during the process, ’cause it’s not easy, and often, not fun.  The hardest part for me (well, there’s actually two…) is

1.  To acknowledge that I CAN’T DO SOMETHING!  I want to fix things.  For others, for myself.  I can’t. 

2.  When the root is being pulled up (and I do currently have one being pulled out)  it’s hard to fill the spot with God, rather than filling it with more yucky stuff.  It’s a constant battle.  And some days, I don’t feel strong enough to fight it.  Some days I give in to the lies that “it will never happen”.  I trytrytry to remember that God is my strength, and it WILL happen. 

So, that’s it.

And, Courtney, yes, this too is AK material!  I’m loving it right now! 🙂

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