a crossroads

I am at a crossroads.  Big decisions ahead, watch out.

My whole life I’ve seen the misery that is the “relationship” between my mother and grandmother.  My grandmother is honestly the most unhappy person I’ve ever met.  I always was supportive of my mother’s complaints and issues with her mother because I could see with my own eyes how awful my grandmother was to her.  My advice to her all of those years? 
“Mom, that’s just how she is.  She probably isn’t going to change, and so you just need to accept that that is how she is and choose how you’re going to deal with it.  Either “cut her off”, or take the high road regardless of how she treats you”.

Words that are haunting me now…

My mother has turned in to my grandmother.  All the years of “please tell me if I act like her” really meant, “even if I turn in to her and you tell me, I won’t believe you because I’ll be just like her”.  Ironic, yes?

So now, I’m faced with a dilemma.  My mother has hurt me again… on purpose.  What to do?  I am thinking that I can’t possibly live the rest of my/her life having this strained of a “relationship”.  I have a choice now, I can cut her off, which will mean no more contact with not just her, but also my dad, my brother, my grandparents, and who knows who else.  OR, I can take the advice I gave her so long ago, and accept that this is just how she is.  I know that she will continue to do and say things that hurt, and that she intends for them to hurt.  If I don’t accept this, will I be any better than she was/is… even to this day wanting my grandmother to be something other than what she is??? 

It’s a crossroads.  I’m standing in the middle.  I think I’ve made my choice, but I just don’t want to start down the road…

4 Comments on “a crossroads

  1. Yeah, either road would be tough to take. There is no nice, paved, highway with lots of pretty scenery and great places to stop along the way. Just hard work and probably pain on both roads. Sorry I couldn’t talk to you just now… Sarah’s acting like it’s 10 o’clock in the morning instead of at night…. she just told us that she wants to take Lambie to the doctor so he can make her more fingers…. you know, seeing as lamb hooves only have 2 parts…. I don’t know where they get this stuff, but it’s the best :).

  2. Whitney, our church just started a series on relationships, called Grace-ism. The video for sermon 1 has not been posted yet, but here is the intro video. http://www.vimeo.com/14401724

    I think this series is going to be SO RELEVANT to this blog post of yours. Sunday’s sermon was GREAT.

  3. I’m not sure why I’m stalking your blog right now, but nonetheless I am. I couldn’t agree with you more on this, because our grandmother, as much as I might love her, is the most dreadfully miserable person I’ve ever met and I know she makes the people around her wallow in her displeasure. They are the same person, whether they will admit it or not, and for some sick reason I think they love to hate each other because it’s all they have ever had. I’m sorry for the decision you’re having to make, but I think that having these women in your life will only help you become stronger, love who you are, and allow your children to become your best friends.

    PS: I cannot believe I’ve never even met your kids! My … second cousins?

  4. And here I thought maybe I was making things up in my head… 🙂
    Glad to have you “stalking”. 🙂 And yes, it is a bit crazy that you’ve never seen my sweet babies… 😦

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