I don’t really know what’s going on, and I’m okay with that.

Those in the know

know that I like knowing what’s going on.

I like the details, I like the planning, I like the scheduling.

Miss Julianne’s adoption process has thrown much of that tendency so far out the window, I can’t even see it any more.  And… I’m okay with that.

When first started looking at potential adoption agencies, we had a couple of criteria.

First, we both felt strongly that we wanted the organization to be Christian.  For us, this stemmed from the fact that our decision to adopt was so clearly a God-ordained thing that we wanted to be free in talking about this to our case worker, and know that he/she was supportive of our family in this.

Second, we both wanted a “hand holding” agency.  We knew that this year was going to hold a lot of change for us, and we wanted an agency that would answer calls, emails, and hysteria quickly, calmly, and professionally.

Third, we wanted an agency that believed that there was a family for every child, not a child for every family.  We knew that our daughter was out there, but we wanted HER needs to be put before OURS the entire process.

After careful consideration, we landed with Lifeline Children’s Services.   We LOVELOVELOVE them!

It has been interested, this process.  The “hand-holding” that was one of our criteria has been the thing that the Lord has used to grow me the most over the course of the past 163 days.

Right now?

I know where we are in the process… in general.

If I wanted to know more, I’m sure I could find out.

But our agency is taking care of a lot of the legwork that some agencies have the adoptive family do.  Authenications, mailing, finding consulates, sending paperwork via courier… all done by our faithful folks at Lifeline.

And I’m okay with that.

I’m okay with knowing that there’s stuff going on, and I don’t know the details.

I’m okay with someone else being responsible for the paperwork.

I’m okay with the process, and the generalized timeline, and the long waits,

because Julianne is worth it.

The Lord is teaching me through all of this that I don’t have to know it all.

I don’t have to control it all.

I don’t have to plan, or schedule, or be on top of it all.

He’s got this, just like He’s got her… all in the palm of His hand.

I love this.  I love this freedom to just BE. I love this freedom to just relax and sit back and trust.

He brought us to adoption.  He brought us to Julianne, and he will bring us together as a family…

without much of my help at all.

All my life I have had a “need” to know.  A “need” be stay on top of things. A “need” to control my circumstances.

I can’t.  This time, I literally can’t, and it’s good.

All He wants of me now is to trust Him.

And He’s helping me learn that by taking control away.

So if you’re there, if you’re in that spot where you are control is slipping away and you’re feeling anxiety about it… just trust.

Lean back, relax, and trust.

He also has YOU in His palm.

 

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