a rebuilding. a restoring. a renewing.

I just deleted 4 drafts.  Things I had written, but never finished. Things I felt deeply, but couldn’t seem to communicate adequately.  Sometimes, drafts need to be deleted, and today was a draft-deleting kind of day.


Oh, you want to know why?  (or maybe you don’t… too bad… you’re still getting it)

Because yesterday I had some prayer time.

Some sitting before the Lord, listening time.

Some waiting on the Lord (with other people there to hold me accountable) time.

Some hearing, some confessing, some calling out lies for what they are and speaking truth time.

Annnnnd… it was great.

Nothing really better than drawing nearer to the Lord, am I right?  But sometimes it’s not easy.  Sometimes there are blocks, barricades, walls.  Sometimes the walls are obvious, and maybe we even put them there ourselves.  But other times, not so much.  Murky, cloudy, muddy waters obscure the walls; don’t allow us to see the lies, prevent us from seeking the truth.  Deep down we know something isn’t “right”, but it’s hard to say exactly what it is.  So, we come up with things.  We try to right wrongs that we can’t even define.  The murkiness grows, the cloudiness increases, we struggle to breathe.  And yet, we still try to fix it.  We tell ourselves we’ll get up earlier in the morning.  That we’ll be more disciplined.  That we’ll have more patience.  And then all of the sudden we can’t breathe at all because the water is now thick.  Thick with lies.  Lies that say we can do it, we’re just not trying hard enough.  Lies that immediately counter “I can do it” with “I can’t do it, or anything for that matter”.  Lies that say we need to put on a facade because there is NO OTHER PERSON who know what this is like.


Sometime we need someone else to draw near to the Lord with us.  Because our Enemy doesn’t want the murkiness to clear.  He doesn’t want the frantic gasping for breath to ease.  He kinda likes it when we try to fix things on our own… and he’ll keep on throwing out suggestions for us to try.  He likes it when we just give up and take whatever path seems easiest.

But Jesus, he is life.

He is worth hearing, and waiting for.

He is worth the discomfort and awkwardness and craziness of letting others in on your personal story and struggles.

I did that yesterday.  Let two trusted friends in on some STUFF.  Some I-can’t-do-this-anymore stuff.  Some I-am-not-a-good-mom-how-can-I-have-another-child stuff.  And it was GOOD.  The stuff was lies, and the Lord gently and beautifully pointed that out.  And then, he replaced it with a picture of TRUTH.

And then (as if yesterday wasn’t enough!), he followed it up with some Isaiah 61 today…

“They will rebuild the ancient ruins

and restore the places long devastated;

they will renew the ruined cities

that have been devastated for generations.”

vs. 4

I actually read the whole chapter today, but this passage just stuck out and caused great rejoicing in my heart!  It’s true!  Jesus is the rebuilder that is spoken of, he is the restorer, he renews.  He LOVES us so much that he does these things for us!  He has done them, he is doing them, and he will continue to do them!

Y’all.  I had some “ancient ruins” I was holding on to in the time leading up to yesterday.  I had some devastated places.  I had some ruined cities.  But he restored all those places and made them beautiful again.

He can do it for you, too.

Ahhh… December FIRST!  Don’t let this season pass holding on to the ruins and lies in your life!  Don’t let the cloudy/murky/thick waters obscure your vision of the infant King. Don’t tell yourself you “just have to make it through” the holidays.  There is JOY for you, there is RESTORATION for you, there is REDEMPTION for you just as there is for me.

Reach out, take it, if you want to.  Because, you have to want it.  All of it.  With all of you.

Jesus didn’t come for you to barely hang on.  He came to make you an oak of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor. (vs. 3)

I am excited about facing this season knowing that I CAN’T do it all on my own.  And, I don’t have to.  I just have to fix my eyes on the author and perfecter of my faith, and let HIM set the pace for me.

And, that’s why I deleted the drafts.  They were me trying to figure things out on my own.  Trying to communicate the difficulties without giving away too much of my true struggle.  Trying to be an example when really I needed to sit at the feet of my Father.

Happy Monday, friends!




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