Today is one of those difficult days in the adoption waiting process. Most days are good; although the wait is never EASY, it’s not all-consuming. Every now and then a day arrives in which I battle the constant temptation to dwell on my fears… what if we don’t get to travel before the next major Chinese holiday? What if we don’t get her before her next birthday? What if what if what if??? My mind is on fire with doubts and questions.
Today also happens to be one of those rare, actually really cold days in our neck of the woods. One of those, “I’m going to turn on the fireplace” kinda days. Yeah, we have a remote control fireplace. That’s how city-girl I am.
Turns out, today the fireplace is a blessing. On a day when my heart is so overwhelmed, the Lord is using the fire to speak to me.
Every time I walk by it, I glance at the fire and pray.
Lord! Let your Spirit be a fire in me! Don’t let the worries and fears that seek to consume me have any space as You fill me.
Let your Spirit be what I hear. Not dates, not deadlines, not my mind’s what-ifs and contingencies!
All day, friends. ALL. DAY I have been walking by the fire and breathing this prayer. And it’s been a minute by minute battle. If I skip a minute, the Enemy gains ground and the anxiety creeps back in.
I sat down a few minutes ago to read a little in the Word, and found myself in John 14. So much good. So much Spirit! Two verses in particular popped out and lodged themselves deep…
“But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all that I said to you.” (vs. 26)
And then I skipped back a little and read this…
“I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.” (vs. 18)
He’s not going to leave me. He’s promised it. And he sends his Spirit to be my reminder. I love how in the same section of verses, Jesus reminds us both about his love for orphans and his desire for us to have the Holy Spirit as a helper… a helper that reminds us of things Jesus has said (like… about how he loves orphans!)
When I ask, he teaches.
And that’s what He’s teaching me… to ASK.
“Lord, burn away the fear. Burn away the anxiety. Burn away the worry! Show me your Spirit. Show me your heart.”
My heart was on fire with the fears of the unknown. And now it’s on fire with trust in Him.
He loves her even more that we do… and He is making a way.