disarming kindness

It’s time.

The time has arrived to start making short outings a part of our days.  Maybe not EVERY day, but it has to happen.  Outings are needed, but they aren’t easy.  Often times, being in a new environment makes the rest of the day a little more challenging.  Slowly they will start to be “normal” for everyone.  For us.  For Julianne. And we will reach a point when the struggle is to remember that it wasn’t always easy.

Today’s outing was to a grocery store.  Not a mega-store, a smaller one.  The goal was to purchase probiotics because it was recommended and will help out with her transition from a rice & vegetable diet to Whataburger.  Just kidding.  We haven’t be there… yet… 🙂

Spent a few minutes choosing some fruits and veggies, and then on to coconut milk and the probiotic.  At the checkout, I realized how WELL it had all gone, and then I was surprised by a “hello!” from someone I know.

The “how are things going?” question came up, to which I responded, “Hard.  Good, but hard.”

Because, how do I answer that fully?  It’s kind of impossible, but “hard” and “good” seem to encompass most of how things are.

They are GOOD.  Julianne is playing better, she is picking up words, she is hugging her family, and kissing them, and adores her siblings.  She is slowly coming around to Daddy tucking her into bed at night.  She loves bath time, and lets me know when she needs a diaper change.  She doesn’t fuss when we need to do wound care, and she eats like a champ (although the face she made last night while eating green beans reminded me SO much of my babies faces when they had their first green bean experiences!)

Things are good.

Things are also HARD.  Julianne needs a lot of affection.  I’ve discovered that being needed to this degree is something that is difficult for me.  More than I thought it would be.  She doesn’t understand yet that “bye-bye” isn’t a bad word.  She still has a lot of defensive fight/flight instincts.  We are tired.  We are overwhelmed most days with the filling that needs to happen.  We not only have a child who is learning what family is, we have three others that need to be loved on more than the norm as well.

Things are hard.

Today, that simple question surprised me.  I’m not sure why… it’s fairly common, and an easy one to ask, and usually easy to answer. The truth is, I’m good.  I’m good because I have an amazing husband, I have friends that are going beyond the call of duty to be there for me, I have family who gets where I’m at and respects it, I have Jesus, and I have the knowledge that we are walking the path that we were called to walk.

Kindness is disarming, you know. I found myself fighting tears on the drive home not because I’m sad, but because in trying to process the real answer to the question, “how are things”, I realized how completely, and undeservedly blessed we are to be walking this path.

The processing of everything is a, well, it’s a process!

But, it’s happening.  I’m THANKFUL for the processing, for the PROCESS.  And I’m thankful for the kindness that opened my eyes enough to think about the real answer to that question.

“How are things going?”

Things are good.  And things are hard.  And that’s okay.

a personality parade... :)
a personality parade… 🙂


1 Comments on “disarming kindness”

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