July Gifts {Day Nine}

Did you notice that I didn’t really do a “gift” day yesterday?  True story.  And, that’s okay.  Three gifts of water seems easy, but when you live in Texas, and it’s July, the only thing I could think of was the pool.  Because that plaster-lined oasis is the best gift of water when the heat index rises and the kids get restless.

Today?  A Gift of Rhythm, Rhyme, and Reason.

no particular rhythm or rhyme for this picture… it’s just pretty, and that’s enough reason to have it

At first glance I thought that this would be another skip day.  I love me some Ann Voskamp, but there are times when my mind doesn’t stretch to the poetic lengths that hers does!   However, after dropping off the bigger three kids at a morning activity, and driving home, I realized that I do have a gift to be thankful for; a gift that I have to force myself to be thankful for that fits those parameters.

“Mommy, wha-la-doin’?”

That is my gift.  That question.  Though every time it’s asked I feel a combination of Joey-Tribbiani-Friends flashback and frustration, that question is a gift.

This question indicates a new rhythm in our family.  A new sense of belonging and needing to understand for our littlest.  She wants to know about and be a part of everything that is happening, even if it doesn’t make sense to be a part of what’s happening.

It’s her favorite conversation starter; when she feels she needs to fill empty space, these are the words I hear.  It seems on the surface that there is no rhyme or reason for the question; and on the surface that’s true.  Last night we sat at the dinner table, eating dinner, and she took a deep breath, sighed, and asked me, “Mommy, wha-la-doin’?”  Ummm… eating dinner? Surface level it’s doesn’t mean much.  Deep down, however, it’s her seeking to belong to what is happening around her.

She doesn’t just want to know what I’m doing, she needs to know what I’m doing.  All. The. Time.  That can weigh heavy on an introverted mama, but today I’m choosing to see it as a gift.  I’m choosing to be thankful for the 500 times I will have to answer this question, and I am choosing to answer without an edge of frustration in my voice.

Even after five months, there is still a wrestling with the question, “is this forever?”  She doesn’t understand what forever really means, yet.  I don’t know when that will happen, that lightbulb moment of understanding… or maybe it won’t be like a lightbulb at all.  Maybe the understanding will happen more like the dawn creeping through the morning sky; slowly, steadily.

It’s a gift I will probably be given 500 times today, and I today I will accept every. single. one.


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