Today is a big day, y’all.
This little peanut? She is officially a PRESCHOOLER!!
To Julianne’s China-mama, should you ever wonder… this baby girl is doing so well. During these big “firsts” for her, I always feel a twinge of loss layered softly beneath the joy because there is emotion on the other side of the world that I cannot begin to comprehend. I don’t presume to understand all of the complexities behind the decision to allow this ray of sunshine to be raised in an orphanage for the first few years of her life, but I know it was complex; these choices are rarely cut and dried. I know a little more about China now than I did before, and I know to care for her was expensive, and perhaps even out of reach financially.
Please know that today, that this FIRST, has been a good day for her. She walked right into her classroom and started playing like she was born to be there. Her teachers wrapped their arms around me as a few tears fell, because I was just a little nervous about leaving this little gem with others to care for her and teach her… even for a few brief hours. My heart hopes that someone wrapped their arms around you, too, as you felt the emptiness of arms that had been accustomed to the weight of your baby.
Today she was so excited about her Anna and Elsa lunchbox, and about the new shirt and leggings I got out for her to wear. She giggled at the sight of herself in the mirror as I carefully placed the pink bow in her hair. She told me, “My cute!” which means that she knows she loved exactly the way she is. It might also mean that being humble could turn out to be a lesson that is difficult to learn… 😉
Today I packed her favorite foods in her lunchbox, and also made sure to have a familiar water bottle for her to drink out of.
Today I hugged her and told her that I loved her; I imagine that you might have whispered the same words over her as you kissed her dimple for one last time. Unlike me, you knew that your kiss had a finality to it that couldn’t be ignored.
Today the director of the preschool put her face close to mine and prayed for peace, just like I pray for you to experience peace if and when waves of sadness wash over you.
You are never far from my mind, China-mama. Never. I cannot look into her eyes and not think about you. I know one day she might ask hard questions about her past. My heart beats a little more erratically as I think about the moment when we will have to discuss these questions that lack easy answers.
Today I see the evidence of a good day. I see proof that God knows more than me and better than me what our family needed when he called us to adopt. I see confirmation all over again that this child who was one-in-a-billion was chosen to be ours because the six of us just fit together perfectly (but don’t let this fool you into thinking she doesn’t fight with her siblings, though…Ha!)
Today she was totally comfortable walking into her class knowing that I was going to come back for her. She was excited to see me at the end of the day rather than running and hiding like she used to do. She chattered about the events of the day and drifted off to sleep in the car while we waited for her bigger siblings to be finished with their school day…
Happy FIRST day of Preschool, Julianne! You’ve been home seven months and you amazed everyone with how comfortable you were in your classroom today. You listened, you obeyed, and you might have tried to be a little sassy, but these preschool teachers? They’ve seen sassy before, although your particular brand might be something new!
And then we got home and had some extra snuggle time because that’s what you needed after a few hours away from mama.
And, you know, if I’m being honest, maybe I needed a few snuggles, too.