rupture and repair

“Rupture and Repair”

It’s how some in the adoption world describe situations that go south for whatever reason.  In some cases, it’s the child who is trying to understand the boundaries that are set, and whether or not we as the parents will still use the words, “I love you” if those boundaries are breached.  Sometimes it looks like the parent reacting to a situation in a way that shows impatience versus grace.  Although it’s a phrase that has come hand-in-hand with adoption, it really applies to all of our children, adopted or biological, equally.

Both types of rupture have happened in our house.  Both have been healed through intentional repair on the part of the parent, because our children (especially the younger ones) don’t yet understand how to repair.  My hope is that they will all understand the value of repair as they watch their parents model humility in the “I’m sorry” moments.  I pray that they will see us getting on their level, eye-to-eye, seeking repair and know that it’s not us, but Christ in us that gives the ability to act in a way that is so contrary to our nature which desires to be right and have others know that we are right!

It has been fascinating to watch the fast-track version of understanding dawn across the face of our newest daughter as her comprehension of the world around her grows in leaps and bounds. She knows that the “I’m sorry” is a big deal, and I know with every hot tear that falls that repair is happening.  The neck-crushing hugs she lays on me proves that she values our relationship being healed versus being okay that it is broken. No matter what the cause of the rupture is… there is grace. How can I extend anything but grace to this child who wants nothing more than to know she is loved?


Last night at Life Group, discussing Scripture with friends,  I was reminded of this truth…my Father is the best of repairmen;  He is the most skillful at assessing a rupture and making it new again.

He proved it… was not the Garden of Eden the greatest of ruptures?  Walking in the perfection of knowing God and talking with Him freely and being without a hint shame (1) took a dramatic turn for the worse with just one bite of fruit. Immediately, fear and shame marred the perfection; those who knew God intimately were now running with bowed heads filled with a knowledge that should not be there (2).

The greatest of ruptures, yes.  And yet… the Cross.  The place where He got down on our level, God Incarnate, and sought the greatest of repairs out for those He loves.

The Cross is Father God crying out to us across the generations… “There is NO rupture too great that I cannot repair it!” (3)

The Cross is Jesus saying “yes” in obedience and showing us… “I will do ANYTHING to heal the rupture between us!” (4)

The Cross is the Spirit moving; ready, willing… “And even AFTER the repair, you’re not on your own, I will advocate for you!” (5)

I am desperate to know the boundaries of the love that has been lavished on me!  At this stage in my life, the the breaching of boundaries is often unintentional; it’s not defiance or doubt that motivates me, it’s apathy.  I become uninterested, non-enthusiastic or even forgetful about the goodness of the Lord.  I live my day-to-day lukewarm (6), with my eyes focused on the tasks at hand.  I’ve even been guilty of making “time with God” one of the tasks on my check list.

Like a good Father, He looks past the surface level of me and knows that no matter what happens, He will love me (7)  

Every rupture has already had its repair at the Cross.  

I bow my head.  Hot tears roll as I realize the truth of the repair all over again.

Repentance sings in my heart.

I know He loves me (8) and that He has made a way for our relationship to be made whole again.


(1) Genesis 2:25 “And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.”

(2) Genesis 3:6 “So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate.”

(3) 1 John 4:10 “In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.”

(4) Luke 22:42 “Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.”

(5) John 14:26 “But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.”

(6) Revelation 3:16 “So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth.”

(7) Psalm 103:12 “as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.”

(8) Zephaniah 3:17

The Lord your God is in your midst,
    a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
    he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing.

1 Comments on “rupture and repair”

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