growing and *cough cough* stretching

I’m a bit of a loner when it comes to feeling poorly.  I’ve never been one of those people who liked having someone holding my hair back when I puked, you know?  Just let me get over this.  On my own.

Julianne is sick for the first time since we got her.  She has this nasty cough that most of us have, and it’s kind of pitiful.  During nap time today, she coughed so hard that she threw up.  Only, I didn’t know about it.  Instead, she just tried to get comfortable and go back to sleep.

She didn’t know that she should come tell me.

She didn’t know that she COULD come tell me.

She didn’t know that one of the things mommies are really great at is cleaning up puke messes.

She didn’t know, because she’s never experienced it.

So here I am, and if I’m being completely honest, I am feeling pretty darn terrible myself, and she needs me more now than ever.  She needs the full-on “Mommy takes care of you when you’re sick” mama loving, and I am in full on “just let me get over this on my own” mode.

It’s not a good match.

I would ask you to pray that this recovery happens quickly, but deep down, I know there is growing and stretching happening now.  This isn’t just about recovering from an illness; it’s about changing the way this precious girl defines the word “mama” a little more.   It’s about taking wounds from the past and dissolving the hurt with love…

Wounds that say “when you are sick you are on your own.”

Wounds that say “if it’s not time for a bath, you’re not getting a bath.”

Wounds that say “go back to sleep even if you’re bed is a mess.”

She is not on her own.

She is worth the effort of a second bath.

She is deserving of clean sheets to sleep on.

All of this while I feel like hiding out in a dark room with a cup of hot tea laced with honey.

This I can say for certain:  any good that happens in the bonding and attachment realm this week will come solely from a strength that is not my own.

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