a gift for myself

It has been 21 days since last you heard from me!  It’s a little difficult to believe that so much time has gone by; it really feels like much less time than that.

In these past 21 days, lots has happened.

Julianne has changed even more.  Her status as the house Sass-Master has been solidified.  She’s so full of spunk, and she is LOVING the Christmas decorations and lights that have been going up all over town and at home! She was thrilled to see that we already had a stocking with her name on it; she walked by and touched it over and over again like feeling her name stitched onto the cloth was cementing the “forever” stitched into her heart.

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She often will ask, “Mommy, you love me?”  Her motives have changed in ten months… now she asks because she just wants to hear me say, “YES, I do!”, not because she doubts her place here.  She knows this is her her home and she loves hearing the words that tell her she is loved.

She has been on a kick for a while wherein she lets me know that she and I are “best friends”.  I’m not sure where she picked that phrase up, but I would hear it almost every day.  Yesterday she told me, that she and I are “best friends forever”.

I heard the word “forever” come out of her mouth and I knew that she finally got it.  I knew that she might continue to need reinforcements, after all, four years living without forever in your heart is a long time.

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December is almost here. (Happy Early Birthday to my amazing sister, Kate!)  Tis the season for giving of gifts, and I thought this year I might gift myself with a little something. You see, the past ten months have been beautifully difficult life-changing months.  I enjoy sharing the ups and downs… the REALITY of our lives right now with social media world, but the truth is that I need some time to breathe.  Some time to step back, appreciate, slow down, pray, learn, read, grow.  I’m generally an “all or nothing” kind of girl.  So when it comes to outlets like Facebook, I struggle to find a balance that works.   The time to breathe will be tiny puffs of life-giving air in the little moments when rather than posting my thoughts or funny daily events on a timeline for others to read, I get back to writing and journaling in a way that is so much more fulfilling.  The gift to myself is to compose more than just status updates – the gift is to back away from he screen and focus on the lined sheets of paper in my journal. If I’m being honest, it’s too easy to get caught up in wanting the story to be the perfectly poignant-yet-funny snippet… that’s not TRUE reality, and I need some distance from it.  I’ve fallen away from a love that grounds me; there is something so satisfying in the action of taking pen to paper, isn’t there?  Call me old-fashioned – I’ll agree with you in a heartbeat.

My hope is to think more about deeper things rather than constantly be composing status updates in my mind.  A month of quiet Advent seems to be the right time for deeper things, agreed?

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