Created for Care {2016 thoughts}

It’s difficult to process something like the experience I had this weekend.  There are so many layers to it; peeling them off needs to be done gently and with care as to not disturb all that I want my less-than-stellar memory to try to hold on to.

Created for Care.

A retreat specifically designed for mamas who have adopted, who are in the middle of adopting, who want to adopt.  International adoption mamas, domestic infant adoption mamas, foster care mamas, foster-to-adopt mamas, and if I heard correctly, there were even birth moms in the group, too.

See what I mean?  Does that information alone tell you a little about the glorious complexity of my processing?  Really!  I haven’t wanted to hold on to and remember so much in a very long time.

There were presenters.  Women who have adopted.  Women who WERE adopted.  Women  who speak from their very souls about the truth I have lived the past two years.

And the layers build.

There were friends.

Women who met each other online in support groups.

Women who had shared raw, painful moments via print who met for the first time in person.

Women who had met while traveling overseas and had shared sacred moments as they realized that growing pains look different when when the child you love doesn’t love you back.

Women whose children suffered from the same medical needs that are unspeakable in a “normal” crowd because how do you explain some of this stuff over and over and maintain the delicacy needed to protect your child?  So, you just don’t.

There were women who experienced failed placements, women who wondered why THEY weren’t being chosen by a birth mom.

There were women who needed in every fiber of their being to feel like they could JUST BREATHE for a few hours.  Because at home, they cannot breathe.  Their lungs are compressed by trauma and struggle, and they gasp for air as strangers say ugly things that the devil tries to bury into who we are.

There were women whose children started their lives in the same hard places.

Women who share struggles and fears about the future of their children.

Layer upon layer.

Arise and Shine

I heard for the first time something that released so much weight from my soul… the fact that spiritual adoption and physical adoption are DIFFERENT.  There is so much connection between the two in the church, and what that connection had done was to place a burden on me I didn’t even realize was there to pursue perfection.  Spiritual adoption is an imperfect person being adopted by a perfect Father.  Physical adoption is an imperfect person being adopted by an imperfect family.  Although adoption demonstrates the Father’s heart, I. AM. NOT. HIM.   I cannot love like him, though I might desire to.  I am not perfect.  Only he is.  He redeems the imperfections; He redeems MY imperfections.

Arise and Shine 2

This weekend was amazing.

I saw 450 women worshipping the one true God together.

I saw silent tears roll down faces as we listened to stories that would move anyone to tears, but for us, it was different because it is our story, too.

I saw groups bond and attach to each other faster than many of our children attached to us, and my heart sang.

I learned that laughter is the best medicine, and breaking out of comfort zones is freeing.

I learned that I do not have to be afraid to be honest.  And honestly, I am content.  I don’t have to feel like “content” is a bad word because it’s not.  I have been to war, I have done battle, I STILL do battle every. single. day.  But I am content.  

I learned a new perspective.  I see through our daughter’s eyes a little more clearly now, and what I see causes my heart to constrict with compassion all over again for her. She is the bravest girl I know.

I got to meet ladies I already loved before I saw them in person.

I felt fully comfortable in my own skin for the first time in ages.  

I am created for this thing I do on a day to day basis.  

I am created to love, to cry, to hold these babies of mine.  All of them.

I am created to bandage wounds, soothe heartache that a child should never experience, go to bed, wake up, and do it all over again.

I am created to know when behavior is adoption-related, or age-related, or relative-age related, or if we have a “hangry” thing going on.

I am created for laughter, and joy, and peace.

This afternoon, the clouds are rolling in, fat with rain, and the wind is whipping in anticipation of the storm that is coming and stands in stark contrast to the fact that I am created for good things, so that my light, the light of Jesus in me, might shine before all men; my light IS shining.

I deserve to believe I can do this, because, by the grace of God, I AM doing it. 

 

 

 

 

 

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3 Comments on “Created for Care {2016 thoughts}

  1. Whitney your words! Their authenticity touches me in deep places and I am so encouraged. Thank you for sharing so openly. You are so right to be content. You are right smack dab in the middle of where God wants you, and there is so much glory and so much of God’s goodness in this land of the living….surely you see it and we do too! 💕

  2. Pingback: A Control Freak and Her Bucket List |

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