the dance continues

 

Twenty months ago the dance began.  We saw things happening that no child should have experienced.  Even with all of the training we did, we saw behaviors we were surprised by. We felt fear.  We felt panic.

When will this end?

Will it ever end?

Forever is a long time, you know…

We slowly learned to dance with her, learning her quirks and habits and allowing her the space and time to draw closer to us as she slowly felt safer.

Time.  So much time, and often, too little patience.

I want results, people!  I want to see fruits of our efforts!  

N-O-W. 

And while there have been tremendous changes in both us and her… the dance continues.

Hidden trauma resurfaces.  New stories are shared.  Buried pain is unearthed…

prompted by change, new events, new schedules.

The desperation to belong is strong,  old behaviors suddenly seem to be what feel safe again… trust has to be relearned.

Frustration bubbles and rises inside me.

When will this end?

Will it ever end?

The dance continues.

Turns out, the dance never ended.  It’s continuous, this one-two-three step with her… learning to lean in when we want to back away, learning to open up when we want to shut down, learning to recognize and call out the fears that threaten to swamp us again.

Not just her.

Me, too.

And so we start again.  A new round to a dance we already know, but this time twirling is accented by hope bubbling up over the frustration.

Lean in.  Breath deeply.

We can do this.

 

 

 

 

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2 Comments on “the dance continues

  1. I will say some very specific prayers for your Girl. And, for patience for your Mama Heart.
    He is holding your family together in the palms of His hands. At times you may feel like parts and pieces are slipping through His fingers, but He scoops you all up and forms you into a stronger ball of clay, formed into a thing of beauty. Clay can become hard to work with when it dries out, but with some extra special care, it becomes pliable and easier to work with.

    okay, that just came into my head and heart as I read the post. I felt like I should share it. I hope it makes some sense to you and this journey you’re on. Hugs, Jo

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