Over one thousand days ago I sat down with a calculator, a piece of paper, a pencil and a bruised heart. We were in the middle of the toughest days we had known to date.  Our post-adoption journey was difficult, and though I trusted that God was walking with us through the fires of trauma …

Saying Yes to Giving Grace

**It was a privilege to be able to share this part of our adoption journey.  Some times when I write I write to process information in my own head and heart.  This time, the processing has been completed, and completed a while ago.  This writing is different – it comes from a place of wanting …

About this time last year, I was in discussions with the principal at the school my children attend.  The discussion revolved around the potential need to add another 2nd grade class during the 2017-2018 school year, and would I be interested in thinking about a full-time job? Honestly, the thought of working full-time hadn’t crossed my …

I used to believe that there would come a day when our family dynamic would feel “normal” –  that we would mesh together in a way that was seamless – that the memory of the time Before would be blotted out by the Present, that thoughts of the Future wouldn’t always be accompanied by some …

Yesterday was the anniversary of the day we arrived home with our newest daughter. I will never ever forget the emotion flooding through me as we de-planed and walked down the hall to the escalator.  I will never forget the light-headed feeling as I stepped onto the escalator; I tried to hold Julianne since escalators …

Today marks the day when we saw Julianne for the first time face-to-face.  We had loved her from afar for nine long months, and finally, we saw her.  I will never forget the feelings from that day.  The way my fingertips felt numb with anticipation and nerves.  The way when we rode the elevator to …

undone yet again

There are some nights when all I can do is sit outside your room and listen to the keening sounds of grief. The years of neglect show strong as you push away our attempts to console. I’m not even completely sure I understand what is going on inside your mind, but I know you are …

  Twenty months ago the dance began.  We saw things happening that no child should have experienced.  Even with all of the training we did, we saw behaviors we were surprised by. We felt fear.  We felt panic. When will this end? Will it ever end? Forever is a long time, you know… We slowly …

You look at me and tell me I’m awesome. I look at you and tell you “awesome” means nothing in the face of the kind of tired I feel many days. *** You see me dealing with medical care, appointments, and therapies and wonder how I maintain composure in the face of a life-long diagnosis. …

I remember distinctly when my first three babies hit the eighteen-month mark in age.  The one-year mark was huge, but for whatever reason, making it to the halfway point on Year Two was just significant for me. Maybe I realized that I was, indeed, actually DOING THIS THING. By the time my firstborn reached 18 …